Pretty Colored Marbles

I had forgotten about this video I made for a class last year and randomly watched it last night. I remember thinking it sucked, but going back to it after so long I found it quite amusing. I was trying to exaggerate the typical art school short film. This, along with other things going on in my life, made me realize how self critical I am. Most of the time when I make something, I am embarrassed to even show people. That was one good thing about college, I was forced to. My creative efforts aren't the only thing I find myself squeamish at the thought of sharing- pretty much everything. I found out yesterday in one of my education classes, I am going to have to give a "talk" at the end of the semester on anything I want. This absolutely terrifies me, I even considered stopping all plans to become a teacher right there. I get uncomfortable talking to friends sometimes, how am I supposed to do it in front of 30 something strangers? However, I'm looking forward to it as much as I am dreading it. I am entirely sick of being so shy and critical of myself. I can look back on my life and see so many ways it has disadvantaged me. For some reason I am always assuming myself to be mediocre... someone who fades into the background. I always assume people don't remember me, or never really liked me that much or something else negative I've fabricated in my mind. I kind of think this is a human condition, just less prevalent in some. We are forced to face ourselves everyday, up close, all the time, and it's easy to find things you don't like when you look too hard. Anyway, it's my new goal to get over my shyness and stop doubting myself, and become comfortable knowing... not needing any reassurance from anyone but myself, just knowing. I plan on doing this without becoming a pompous asshole, of course :)

Second thought about pretty colored marbles, or pretty colored glass, or pretty colored glass paperweights.... the other night I was watching Antiques Roadshow and it was the one from their visit to Atlantic City (so pissed I missed it) and they had a woman on, an expert, talking about glass paperweights, specifically New England glass paperweights and Millville glass paperweights. I had no idea there was such an audience for glass paperweights that it would elicit a paperweight expert or even specific names for different kinds of styles, like the Millville Rose glass paperweight, and glass paperweight master artists! It lead me to the conclusion, humans are way too bored. I mean, yes we should create beautiful and functional things but... sometimes I get overwhelmed just thinking about all the unnecessary objects that are out there. Think about that number. It hurts my brain